NBA fortnightly Top 10: Boot up

After the preseason Top 30 (or three Top 10 lists), let's continue the momentum with the fortnightly top 10: It's like the power rankings, only that it comes out every 2nd and 4th Sunday of the month.

#10: Cleveland Cavaliers (6-3)
LeBron could've a better start to the season; had a 0-2 start (losing to a team not from the United States), and losing to the Bulls. All of their wins were from crappy teams. Good thing they won against the Florida teams. And LBJ had to score an average of 35 points on both games.

#9: Houston Rockets (5-4)
That Lakers game was oh so close but... you know the drill. Trevor Ariza is having a monster season, only that nobody cares anymore. Except for Luis Scola who grabs rebounds like perky schoolkids on a merry-go-round.

#8: Miami Heat (6-2)
The Heat are having a fiery start, with their two losses coming the likes of the Suns and the Cavs. If you thought James scores too much, you haven't seen Wade's stats: two 40-point plus games in the last fortnight. For some reason the Suns defense limited him to a measly 23 points. Dunno how that happened.

#7: Denver Nuggets (7-3)
For some reason I don't like this team. I dunno why. Maybe it's Melo's tats. The last week hasn't been kind to them either with three loses in a span of five days (Heat, Hawks, Bucks). But they bounced back with an arseraping of the Lakers... and you know I had to include this:

Too bad Allein Maliksi had a better dunk at the UAAP NCAA Slam Dunk Contest. Yeah, I wish.

#6: Orlando Magic (7-3)
Either the Magic hate SVG or SVG means "Suck Vig Gime". Yeah, that's poor. Their losses were awful. On the road at Detroit by 5, on the road at OKLAHOMA CITY by a number higher than 20 points (I didn't bother computing) and 9 at home vs. the Cavs. Now I wanna bash those Vince Carter fanboys at PEx, only if PEx is online. LOL

#5: Dallas Mavericks (6-3)
All is well in Mavsland. Kidd is shooting like Renren Ritualo, Dirk's hair is like Whitney Port's locks, Jose Juan Barea is emerging as a dependable fantasy player in a 50-team deep league, and Drew Gooden is on his way to being a realtor for having real estate in like 10 states. The road losses against NoLa and SA are a concern, though.

#4: Los Angeles Lakers (7-2)
So much for having a 20-1 start, eh? Well, there's still a still awesome 19-2 start, and Kobe's gotta be happy that the Lakeshow is doing well with Pau Gasol still fighting ETA extremists in his native Spain. But he's pissed at Ty Lawson. Too bad Sonny Weems is at Canada already perking himself up for the winter.

#3: Atlanta Hawks (7-2)
Despite losing to the #4 team, the Hawks won over the C's. But they were beaten badly by CHARLOTTE. (Yeah, I love using ALL CAPS for emphasis. Must be Twitter since you can't boldface and italicize and stuff.) So ranking these teams are as tough as pudding left at the window under the sun. Jamal Crawford is making himself a serious case for 6th man of the year. Only if they award the thing by fortnights.

#2: Phoenix Suns (8-2)
Yet ANOTHER team beaten by L.A. (and I mean the Lakers), and they're ranked higher. WTF is with this ranking? Yeah, but L.A. was almost beaten by the Clips, was beaten by the Mavs (who were ranked lower) and Oklahoma City which is ranked highly in the draft lottery. Still Nash and co. are scoring like crazy. Something that was so successful, Stern and Stu had to screw up the Sunnies when Stoudamire chased the Suns gorilla at the stands.

#1: Boston Celtics (8-2)
So wait, the #2 team beat the #1 team, and now they ranked higher? The C's beat the Cavs and Da Bulls, and the Suns were beaten by L.A. which was ranked lower. In other words, Sheed's having a jolly good time wearing green.

Top 10: 09-10 NBA countdown

Ah the top 10. You can be sure these ten teams would make it past the playoffs, heck even up to the Conference Semifinals, unless something catastrophic happens, like Kobe joining AI in Memphis. Or T-Mac high-fiving Oden at some sauna in Quezon Ave.

In this Top 10 edition, each team is associated with a Disney song. To make us all happy and perky this coming NBA season.

#10: Atlanta Hawks

While Josh Childress is on his way too extended Greek Holiday, the Hawks are at a crossroads. Young bigs, and Mike Bibby who is more famous for making non-aficionados mix him up with Doug Christie (both are white, bald and wear headbands). At least it's not as bad as MSNBC's Contessa Brewer.

#9: Denver Nuggets

Last season was "So Yesterday." But it's a brand new year, and Melo still must have a hangover. Wake up, Melo, the Nuggets are in for a long ride. At least Chauncey thinks he'll have John Elway's powers when he wears his number.

#8: Portland Trail Blazers

The present-day Jail Blazers are "Stranger" at the top. They haven't been there, and they almost went there, but due to tiebreaking complications even David Stern can't explain, they got the #4 seed, which meant a showdown with the T-Mac-less Rockets, which meant the Rockets would advance. Now that they had their baptism of fire, or should I say rocket exhaust, Brandon Roy and Daboy must break away from the "Stranger" label and show the West the will to win.

#7: Chicago Bulls

Derrick Rose would've said, "Our Time is Here," and this crew will crack the Boston-Cleveland-Orlando axis at the top. That First Round performance last year wasn't a fluke. If that team started the season with THAT lineup, they could've been battling the big 3 at the top.

#6: Boston Celtics

For the Celtics, there is no yesterday, no tomorrow; only "Tonight." This is perhaps their last time to win a championship with the core of Allen, Garnett and Pierce. Next year will be the beginning of the end, and Rondo might be on the way out. There's no tomorrow for this team. It's tonight or bust.

#5: San Antonio Spurs

The Spurs are due for a championship. They alternate with an Eastern Conference team, and last year didn't happen, so Pop got injected in fresh blood so that hoops fans will be bored with "Here We Go Again" gameplan that has endeared the Spurs to the people of San Antonio, and no one else, except perhaps really old guys.

Note: At this point, you're probably looking for "one" team that went way too up the order.

#4: Cleveland Cavaliers

"Don't Forget" what happened last year. LeBron and his pals failed miserably on their quest to make David Stern's eyes transform into dollar signs. Stern must've been oh so pissed. He probably did that to make it appear that the NBA is not fixed. He can always do that this year.

#3: Orlando Magic

Ah, the "Magic" Kingdom, the home of Walt Disney World, Mickey Mouse, Dwight Howard and the half man half amazing half a decade ago Vince Carter. Would Carter destroy the magical fun that is Stan Van Gundy's always constipated but it really is not face? Was Hedo a better fit? Perhaps these questions won't matter as the Magic would shoot more threes than the Grizzlies shoot bricks.

#2: Dallas Mavericks

Lemme put it simply: the Mavs will bring the hoedown throwdown to their opponents.

#1: Los Angeles Lakers

Ah, the honeymoon stage, it's that time you supposedly give up what you've held for yourself for oh so long. Ah who am I kidding. Lamar and Khloe must've brought it on even before they got married. With different partners. Ah, the "Lovebug," Kobe wants to return to Eagle, Colorado.

Middle 10: 09-10 countdown

I promised myself I'd be unbiased as possible when I do this, since the last time I had this, I placed the Lakers so low they made it all the way to Finals only to be arse-raped by the Celtics.

So yes, you won't see the other LA team here. Or the Celts. One hour from now.

#20: New York Knicks
A lot is awesome at New York today. The Yankees are in the postseason, the Mets have a new ballpark, Mike Comrie is now banished from the city, which probably brings down the hotness factor since Hilary Duff isn't always in the city, but the Upper East Side chicks more than compensate the departure of hotness, and Duff even guest starred! And the Knicks? They play on prime real estate, with the Rangers.

#19: Milwaukee Bucks
Bucks are hard to measure. It's a given Michael Redd won't be enough to carry this team around, and they probably need a better coach, but the Playoffs won't be a long shot for this team.

#18: Houston Rockets
Trevor Ariza, you did all of what you did last year for what? To watch more Texans games? You should've went to the Mavs instead, I heard they'll play the All-Star Game at Cowboys Stadium. Hmmm. Cowboys Cheerleaders. Fat guys dancing on center court. Ah Trevor, you missed out!

#17: New Orleans Hornets
What's with this team with the centers not feeling the love? Chandler and now Okafor. Even Birdman went to Denver. And if you're into history, even Mourning went to Miami. At least everyone remembered the great PGs of this franchise: Bogues, Davis and Paul. Too bad Chris won't get enough help other than from David West.

#16: Phoenix Suns
What's with Amar'e wanting to spell his name as "Amer'e" Is he pissed Mike D'Antoni stole his apostrophe? I feel bad for Steve Nash, he should've joined Shaq on his way to Cleveland, as if that'll work under the salary cap rules.

#15: Washington Wizards
The Wizards Big 3 never got together in like half a decade already (I'm half-exaggerating). They could've volted in this season but it'll wait with another preseason casualty: this time, it's Antawn "I can't even guard a monoblock chair" Jamison.

#14: Oklahoma City Thunder
It'll be like Bobcats last year: it was so close, yet it was so far. Durant and Westbrook will be chummies for years to come, unless management breaks them up.

#13: Utah Jazz
The Northwest will be hell. It's like snow all day only that it burns through your skin like Russian blizzards. Good thing AK-47's still there. Wait, is he?

#12: Toronto Raptors
Speaking of snow, our perky friends from the North are itching to wreck Toronto for reasons other than the Maple Leafs. This season might be it. Plus, SONNY WEEMS IS NOW A DINOSAUR! WEEEEEEEEEEE!

#11: Philadelphia 76ers
Sixers are a season or two away from a breakthrough: if they let go Elton Brand. In a non-big-3 Eastern Conference, they can be the middle-of-the-pack team no one knows how to tackle.

Later at tip-off time: The top 10.

Bottom 10: NBA 09-10 countdown

College hoops is over, the baseball is about to end, Titans fans are lining up the furnaces to burn their season tickets, and across the state, the Grizzlies thought they can sell tix when they brought A.I. to town. So let's have the annual 30 teams, 29 failures, 1 championship, season preview.

Three hours. Thirty teams, three countdowns, until Boston and Cleveland tips the season off.

#30: Sacramento Kings
It's this simple, can you even point where Sacramento is on the map? Sure, you probably can't point where East Rutherford is but Tyreke Evans + Kevin Martin = ping-pong balls come June.

#29: Minnesota Timberwolves
At least the Twin Cities have the Vikings; too bad they were beaten earlier in the week. Al-Jeff with a busted Achilles tendon + Kevin Love's broken hand (which I had no clue when I drafted him HA HA) = Kurt Rambis clotheslining Brandon Jennings during practice.

#28: New Jersey Nets
Why was Courtney Lee sad when he was traded to the Nets? Because, he'd be in the middle of nowhere. Devin Harris will post AWESOME fantasy numbers, though. The team's future is bright, with Vince Carter out of the way.

#27: Golden State Warriors
The Jail Blazers traveled down the coast, eh? Or maybe it's the Raider Nation freaks who can't buy Raiders tickets and settled for the next best thing: Stephen Jackson's tats.

#26 Los Angeles Clippers
Clippers Curse. ShIt happens. And the hottest Blake in town isn't Blake Griffin, but Blake Lively. And Lively's isn't even in town until the Gossip Girl offseason.

#25 Memphis Grizzlies
It's been a long journey for Allen Iverson. And he didn't expect it to end teaching the finer points of hoops to O.J. Mayo. Like pushing over refs (OK, Mayo didn't do that.)

#24 Detroit Pistons
Ah, how the mighty have fallen. It started with the drafting of one Darko Milicic. If they drafted Melo, they wouldn't have to get Sheed, and they wouldn't have won the title, but they won't suck now. But yeah, I'll take the title, after all it came from the expense of the Lakers.

#23 Miami Heat
Just earlier this season, the Heat and the Pistons were battling for Eastern Conference supremacy. Now, they're battling for SportsCenter airtime. D-Wade is not pleased.

#22 Indiana Pacers
If you're putting a team's early season fortunes to Brandon Rush's shoulders, you know you're screwed.

#21 Charlotte Bobcats
What's with this offseason with several players getting injured in games that don't matter? WTF. Tyson Chandler may be happier in the land of Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis, but was it for the better?

So yes, these ten teams, you won't see them in the postseason, unless they have a blockbuster trade or something to that effect.

True Colors: Golden Triumph

So the NCAA season ended "unexpectedly" with the San Sebastian Stags sweeping the three-time defending champions San Beda Red Lions via a 15-point blowout in Game 2 in front of a partisan crowd at the Big Dome. With Borgie Hermida bloodied, Jimbo Aquino carried off to the showers, and Anthony Del Rio injured at the bench, if there was a game 3, the two teams have to use their Team B players (of course that won't be allowed).

At the end, Season 85 showed its true colors: Gold and Red. The Red and White will have to wait one more year to have a chance of reclaiming the championship. Jimbo Aquino limped away the winner, and Borgie Hermida did not just have tears flowing from his eyes as the Red Lions were humbled in the mecca of Philippine sports.

But lemme scrutinize some points pointed (duh) out throughout the internets:

Borgie Hermida was bloodied and apparently has an eye fracture. His mom almost had a heart attack. Yeah, not to sound pathetic, but Letranites didn't make a big deal out of it when Rey Guevarra was hit by Sudan Daniel on the way down. Everything comes back at you. Basketball is a contact sport. You should watch ice hockey, those ice skates slice of fingers like a hot knife through butter.

The game was luto. Like seriously, this only happens in the NBA.

Calvin Abueva is into drugs. Lemme put it this way, even if you inject me a ton of steroids, I won't be able to perform as good as him. The point? Steroid or no steroid he's good.

San Sebastian is the all-Filipino champion. Guess what, you can get imports too. So does that mean Letran is the last all-Filipino champion? How about Mark Andaya? (LOL) Which brings me to PCU, but Gabby Espinas came from Subic and that's where the former U.S. Naval Base is located, wait, who am I kidding. It's common knowledge that Espinas has foreign blood. So it's Letran 2003? What's next rooting out the mestizos?

Bedans throwing coins. Yeah next time, stop saying "Beda tuloy laway." Alain Katigbak did better: he makes a living pissing off basketball players.

Mike Abasolo had too much coffee. Dude, next time, drink tea.

Andrei Felix pwns Boom Gonzalez. At least that's right.

Who the hell is Archie Inigo? He's a high school player? He looks like he's Grade 6! He's underage! We only allow high schoolers who repeat fourth year three times to make sure he stays at our team for the longest time! Ban the Squires! LOL

Which brings me to the deciding game of the NCAA Juniors Finals this Thursday at the Arena. San Beda allowed two championships to slip away from their grasp this semester. A loss from either school will be a disappointment: Letran with their 17-0 start, and San Beda for coach Ato Badolato's final year.

Noynoy hit the campaign trail way too early...

That rescuer dude stumbled twice to rescue the kid who wasn't there. Weee.